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I know you might scoff at silk flowers, and have possibly even been a scoffer ever since you first noticed the fake, thick-plastic blooms your grandmother used to display on top of her console television in the 1970’s. I get it – you’d rather have REAL flowers, because real flowers look beautiful and smell heavenly.

But here’s the thing: unless you have an endless supply of real flowers at your disposal (like a cutting garden or high-yielding flower bed), real flowers can also be kind of expensive. It’s not long before they have to be discarded and money spent all over again to replace them. I’m not saying they’re not worth it – of course they are! (Here is my secret source for real flowers that are NOT expensive, by the way!)

It’s just that fake flowers – specifically, silk flowers – maintain their beauty for a one-time investment. They can bring a long-lasting pop of color to a space for as long as you want them to. They’re a perfectly  acceptable alternative when the flower budget is shot. In fact, they’re an acceptable alternative without even being an alternative! I daresay that my “vintage floral cottage” wouldn’t be Vintage Floral Cottage – it wouldn’t be floral – were it not for silk flowers!

They are also wonderful for crafting, where they can be used in wreaths, baskets, or anything needing garden-variety embellishments. And, they can do this even if they don’t really look real. I was so fortunate to find a large bunch of silk peonies in dusty-pink/faded hues. Not realistic, but they suit my décor perfectly and I’ve used them in vases and projects for years!

If it helps you to overcome your fake flower phobia (phake phlower phobia? Fake flower fobia?), think of it this way: If you wanted a large chunk of rusty, authentic farmhouse windmill hanging on that large blank wall in your entry/kitchen/family room, but you didn’t want to pay the outrageous asking price of a junk dealer who’s onto the whole “rusty farmhouse goodness” thing happening these days…

That’s $403.76 for half a windmill, y’all!

…or you didn’t want to shimmy up an actual windmill and try to detach the spinny part yourself (with permission, of course)… well, you might find yourself at Hobby Lobby eye-balling the metal objects made to look like windmill blades!

And what you’d have is an object, manufactured to look like an actual object… but not the actual object. Sound familiar?

Not sure I should admit this, but last year I even put silk flowers out in the planters on my front porch. Yep, outdoors. Where real flowers grow. In my defense, I had filled the planters with Fall pumpkins, but they needed a little oomph. A little something more. A certain je ne sais quoi. It actually looked kinda pretty. Mind you, these were Dollar Tree silk flowers… yep, one dollar for a stem with five blooms per stem.

I’m sure my master-gardener neighbor was peeking out her curtains like Gladys Kravitz, wondering if I had lost my mind and crossing my name off the invite list for the upcoming block party. But that’s okay, I see she’s got a bottle tree made from re-bar instead of an actual tree, so… I think we understand each other.

I’d love to get your take on using silk flowers… indoors or out… what are your thoughts?

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A local radio station personality (us old folks used to call them “disc jockeys” or DJ’s, which is an old-timey word that originated back when those people on the radio used to play songs on individual acetate… later vinyl… discs… but I digress…) recently suggested the following:

“The top sheet on a bed could soon be a thing of the past. It seems younger people don’t feel the need for a sheet to cover up with in bed, using just a comforter instead.”

I suppose it’s all what you’re used to, but my first reaction to this was, “First cursive, now the top sheet – what is next, younger people? WHAT IS NEXT?”

And my second reaction was, “Ewww… gross!”

Look, I’m sorry to be a stick in the mud here, but a top sheet is not an option – it’s a necessity.

In warm weather, a comforter is likely too much covering. So the sheet provides a layer between skin and air that helps hold in your body warmth. (Have you ever awakened from a coverless nap only to find that your arms and other exposed areas are cold, and you feel chilled from the inside? That’s because your body temperature drops to its lowest point when you are at rest.)

Besides, without a top sheet, you’ll never have:

• that “Ahhhhh” moment that comes from slipping in between cool sheets in the summertime
• Something to pull up over yourself to look cute in bed after sex.
• That thin layer to hang your foot out from under.

In cold weather, the top sheet is a layer between you and the comforter that not only holds in the body heat but also absorbs sweat and body gunk, while being MUCH easier to launder than a comforter. When’s the last time you washed your actual comforter? It’s a giant pain in the ass, isn’t it? (Hint: yes.) Think of all the trips to the laundromat you’ll save, not to mention all the time you’ll spend waiting for the large-capacity machine to become available once you get there.

I say YES to the top sheet! What say you?

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